How Not to Listen — Know the Answer Before the Other Guy Talks
Don’t expect me to say something new, except for the part where I say . . . I’m working on this one too.
Rare is the person who does this with intent. On the other hand, all too plenty are the rest of us who, because our minds have been trained to get to the information fast and move on, know the answer before the other guy talks.
We interrupt each other mid-thought quite often. I’ve watched. I’ve seen people talk as if they are search engines listening for the keywords. When the keywords are said, the answer is given. We just jump right in assuming we know the rest of the thought. We do that because often we do.
Nothing wrong with knowing the rest of the thought. Probably not much damage done by finishing it. Well no damage to that thought.
The problem is that another thought, an expansion, elaboration, or extending idea might have followed the thought that we cut off at the pass. Yet a graceful conversational partner will go with us when we interrupt. We know that too, because we’ve also done that.
All of this grace in allowing ourselves and each other to interrupt keep us from thinking deeper and exploring thoughts more deeply with the person we’re talking with.
We’re not giving each other thinking room.
What would happen if we slow down to listen deeply knowing that the next thought might be a gem of an idea? I bet the worst would be that we would actually hear what each other is saying.
Liz Strauss
Behind every Successful business is an Outstanding Manager. — PVM
I find myself sometimes wanting to talk ‘over’ someone when they don’t give me time to think about what they’re saying and how I wish to respond. It seems the open space that listening first, then thinking, then speaking requires is uncomfortable for people. Why?
Comment by Dawud Miracle — May 31, 2007 @ 10:19 pm
Nature abhors a vacuum. Human nature even moreso. Possibly we do because we don’t know what will fill it and it leaves us time to think. We are absolutely no good at waiting for ourselves or others.
I’m learning to think my thoughts before I say them. It’s really quite fulfilling to know what I’m going to say. I find if I tell someeone, I’m thinking on that I usually get plenty of room to do so. It’s as if the fear of silence is replaced by generosity.
Comment by Liz Strauss — June 1, 2007 @ 7:27 am