PERFECT VIRTUAL MANAGER
Don’t expect me to say something new, except for the part where I say . . . I’m working on this one too.
Rare is the person who does this with intent. On the other hand, all too plenty are the rest of us who, because our minds have been trained to get to the information fast and move on, know the answer before the other guy talks.
We interrupt each other mid-thought quite often. I’ve watched. I’ve seen people talk as if they are search engines listening for the keywords. When the keywords are said, the answer is given. We just jump right in assuming we know the rest of the thought. We do that because often we do.
Nothing wrong with knowing the rest of the thought. Probably not much damage done by finishing it. Well no damage to that thought.
The problem is that another thought, an expansion, elaboration, or extending idea might have followed the thought that we cut off at the pass. Yet a graceful conversational partner will go with us when we interrupt. We know that too, because we’ve also done that.
All of this grace in allowing ourselves and each other to interrupt keep us from thinking deeper and exploring thoughts more deeply with the person we’re talking with.
We’re not giving each other thinking room.
What would happen if we slow down to listen deeply knowing that the next thought might be a gem of an idea? I bet the worst would be that we would actually hear what each other is saying.
Liz Strauss
Behind every Successful business is an Outstanding Manager. — PVM
See also Work with Liz! at Successful Blog
PERFECT VIRTUAL MANAGER
Perhaps you know him. He is tall, dark, and handsome, living and breathing. He became a CEO the first time in his late 30s — that was the training-wheels company. He got the big one before he was 45.
Everyone in the industry talked about him. Everyone could because everyone knew him.
He always had time for a handshake, a hug, and a conversation at any trade show.
But what he didn’t know was that people mimicked his handshake. It was named for him. It is performed like this.
The Tall, Dark, and Handsome Handshake
- Smile when you see a person you know.
- Make eye contact for a moment. (See final note for where to look next.)
- Reach out with your right hand.
- Grasp the hand of the other person.
- Perform handshake.
- Upon making eye contact for a brief monent, begin conversation during handshake. While shaking hands, move eyes over the other person’s left shoulder to scan the crowd to see who might be your next conversation partner.
Everyone knew that their conversation was not important. That we were nothing more than virtual business cards lining up to keep contact. The handshake was the exchange. The conversation was a facade that was necessary, but meant nothing to him.
Listening requires being present and part of what’s going on.
Liz Strauss
PERFECT VIRTUAL MANAGER
If it’s true that “We can’t talk without talking about ourselves,” then it makes even more sense that we should listen in to what we’re saying every once in a while. Our first response to how we listen to ourselves as we talk isn’t always the best choice. In fact, one popular choice often takes us in an entirely wrong direction.
Don’t Mentally Record the Conversation
Many intelligent people listen to themselves by becoming a virtual recorder. We “move outside ourselves” during a conversation to watch and record every word as we interact with other folks. You may have done this — I have. Let’s explore it for a moment to see why it’s misleading and counterproductive.
- When I stand outside myself to listen as I talk, part of me is not participating in the conversation. I’m of split mind. I’m trying to do two things at once — evaluating and talking.
- I might think that I’m hearing what I’m saying as my audience would hear it, but I’m not. I’m hearing what I’m saying the way I would hear it. I can’t take own interpretation out of the equation. So though I might be trying to see and hear through my audience, I’m just fooling myself into thinking I can do that.
- On some level, my audience is aware that I’m not fully present. It’s a subtle difference. Still the sense that I’m not fully there translates into that I have something that I’m not telling. That can lead to developing a feeling of distrust in my listerner.
Each of those reasons explains how mentally recording the conversation may capture the words, but sabotage the effectiveness of what is being said. So, the words being recorded are doubly false. I’m not hearing what authentically has transpired because I’m not fully there and I’ve changed the experience by the act of becoming a recorder.
Listening requires being present and part of what’s going on.
Liz Strauss
PERFECT VIRTUAL MANAGER
Everyone knows people who incessantly talking about themselves, but at the same time really say nothing. They seem to talking to produce hot air in order to enflame the fires of their own ego.
That is not what I mean when I say “We can’t talk without talking about ourselves.”
No. Not them. They are screaming. Most folks are whispering.
We can’t talk without talking about ourselves, because no matter the subject upon which we offer discussion, our choice of words, our deliver of them reveals information about us as the person who is speaking.
Even the amount of time we choose to listen says something.
If I listen to one person’s conversations for a day or two, I will find a theme about the words, ideas, and conversationsl style the person uses. The theme will be based in that person’s core values.
Have you been listening in on your own conversation lately?
Liz Strauss
