The Two Most Important Words for Anything
Brian Clark, a wise man I know, recently wrote about The Two Most Important Words in Blogging.
Go on read his post. He’s a fine writer. You’ll need to know what he says to see where I take the conversation from here.
I agree with Brian and I raise him one higher. I think his two words could be the two most important words in human relationships, and I would add a third I, and in you and I.
Imagine No Conflict and No Conflict Resolution
In conflict Resolution, we learn to say I statements. I hear what you’re saying. I hear that you’re angry. I understand your disappointment.
Yet, I wonder what would happen if we had learned instead to use the word you more often before the conflict arose? You look a little down today. Are you feeling okay?
Because is so important, not only to move people to action, but also it stops them from filling in missing information. People have a habit of filling in an information vacuum with a negative. Why did he do that? If he doesn’t tell you, the because that you figure out is hardly ever good. Why? Good things don’t need us to prepare for them. So we focus on the negative in case we need our armor shined and ready to go.
You and I and because. three words, not two, that connect people in the same ways that blogs do — through meaningful conversation.
Liz Strauss
Well, I think the I-statement camp isn’t against “You” statements–it’s just that the kinds of “You” statements most commonly made are the projection-kind. “You are so ____,” or, “I can’t believe you could ____ ____ like ____.” They put our motives and biases into the others’ hearts.
That little pedantic qualifier aside, though [:-)] I think you’ve got something solid. A lot of empathic you-focus on the front end (”Seek first to understand, then to be understood,” in Coveyspeak) makes a world of difference.
Comment by Max Leibman — May 21, 2006 @ 7:38 pm
Hi Max,
I understand what you are saying. I hope I didn’t imply otherwise in what I wrote. What I was trying to say is that most folks I’ve met take the I-statement too literally and use it as their focus rather than the people in the conflict. It’s the people — two equal humans who have a problem that need to meet and resolve the conflict.
I appreciate you giving me the benefit of the doubt.
Liz
Comment by Liz Strauss — May 22, 2006 @ 6:59 pm
[...] Brian talked about the power of because and you. I’ve talked about because and you also. T his week, It’s a Numeric Life covered a study much like the one I first encountered about the word because. [...]
Pingback by Successful Blog - Why? Because — How Much More Do You Need? — June 3, 2006 @ 9:45 am